Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
