Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
