At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Randomize
