This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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