$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
