He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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