Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
