R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
