So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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