Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
