So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
