if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
