So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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