I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
