sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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