so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
