just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
