Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just found a bag of teeth...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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