Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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