If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
