Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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