I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
