Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
