He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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