it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
