Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
