if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
