Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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