The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
