He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
