no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
