My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
barbara walters just said penis...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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