I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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