Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
