Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
