Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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