the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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