i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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