Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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