I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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