***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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