I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we made out on top of his cat.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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