I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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