Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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