Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
