She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
