But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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