The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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