Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
