haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
