so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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