I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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