I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
