Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
