if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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