He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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