I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
