whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
