Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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