So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
