at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
