id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
