id be glad to
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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