im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
