a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
