its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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