I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
