so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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