Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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