FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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