Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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