So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
