would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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