need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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