He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
