ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
